What do you blog about when the only things you want to blog about can’t be blogged?

It’s been a while since my last post, but it’s not for lack of topics that I’m compelled to share. There’s a fine line between allowed and should. I saw a post the other day, I call them Facebookisms, that said:

Before you speak, THINK:

T = is it TRUE?
H = is it HELPFUL?
I = is it INSPIRING?
N = is it NECESSARY?
K = is it KIND?

If these are the criteria, I have an 80% green light to go. However, although I know it’s true, I believe it will be helpful and inspiring to others (that makes it necessary), there are people close to me that may be think it’s unkind. When the truth is feared, it is perceived as hostile by those who fear it.

How do others in the blogoshere handle topics that may hit too close to home?

Some of the best things about Christmas, or any holiday really, are traditions. There are so many memories I have from growing up that are steeped in tradition – from the menu to the tree decorations, even the timing of activities.

Anyone who knows me personally is familiar with my affinity for food, so this story hits very close to home. The other night my son, MJ (13), asked me for a recipe. It was for his favorite dessert that I generally reserve for special occasions. It’s a twist on a Southern favorite, Banana Pudding. This is NOT from a box, nor does is it resemble, in any way, the fluffy stuff found on most every South Carolina buffet from Greenville to Charleston. It’s an old-fashioned egg-custard layered with homemade whipped cream.

We had just celebrated my younger son’s birthday last Saturday where this creamy concoction made a star appearance, disappearing long before the cake, so I couldn’t figure out why he wanted it again so quickly. He was there, manning the constant whisking over the double-boiler and constructing each layer, carefully abiding by my instruction.

As it turned out, he wanted to make it by himself to take to school one day this week. When I sent him the recipe, I jokingly added, “this was likely the one thing you keep me around for” as I reluctantly passed it on. I watch all my boys grow up so quickly and I see them outgrow the need for things that used to be must-haves: Reindeer Teddy, a blanket named “B” that was carried around for so long it eventually was placed in a ziplock bag to protect the few remaining strings that were left, and a set of left-handed Sponge Bob golf clubs that were used on a first golf outing are just a few that come to mind. I immediately thought, “now he’s outgrown the need for me to make this for him.”

He called me last night and told me all about it – how he got it just right and he couldn’t wait to see how people liked it. I realized that he sounded just like me. It may seem a bit goofy to get excited over a dessert, but there’s more to it than that. Growing up as I did, food was love. I didn’t hear “I love you” from the family matriarch very often, but she expressed her feelings for all of us with food. Making a big deal of it and going the extra mile to make sure that everything was just right was my Grandmother’s way of conveying love and her desire for us to gather.

I realized that that’s exactly what drives my passion for food. I love cooking for my family and friends, whether it’s a standing rib roast for Christmas dinner, or cheeseburgers on the grill, food brings us together. That was exactly what Matthew was doing. He told me recently that he has been bringing something into school whenever a classmate has a birthday. It’s his gift to them. As I think about how he gives of himself to make others happy, he’s really displaying the heart of a servant:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 2:3-5).

Every parent wants to see their children mature into good people who care about others. Seeing my son do just that while continuing a tradition which was passed down to me, was an early Christmas present. I’ll keep that memory forever, but I will re-gift this one as often as I can.

Click the link to download the recipe here:
Old Fashioned Banana Pudding

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Well here it is – it’s Christmas already! As I get older, the year seems to fly by faster. I have barely recovered from the overindulgence that was Thanksgiving, and now I am making plans for Christmas. Sure, shopping, parties, church programs and decorations are great, but I don’t mean those kinds of plans. I’m talking about traveling home.

I left my hometown of Vandalia, Ohio about 22 years ago and moved to a suburb of Buffalo, NY – just over 400 miles away. Nine years later, I moved to South Carolina (nearly 600 miles away in the other direction) and I think in all those years, I had returned home less than half a dozen times. Too many of those trips were to say a final goodbye.

There was no big conspiracy to avoid home – life happens. I got married, had kids, and travel became waaaaay more complicated than the road trips of my single days which kicked off with a 6:00 PM departure after work. They required only a good mix tape, a large cup of convenience store coffee and a full tank of gas. I could drive a good eight hours without needing to stop.

Suddenly, travel was so complex we needed lists. Lists kept track of which of the four children needed what. They included toys, snacks, medicines, and routes that included places to let the boys out to play. Along the way I learned that kid travel time is like the last ten minutes of a football game – there are many starts and stops and quite often, a time out is necessary.

We came to a resolve after a few of these exhausting trips that we wanted our family to see our kids as often as possible, but they would have to travel to us to do it. This is one of the pitfalls of living so far away from family, however, the economy of the day required you to live where the work is. My parents were gone and my extended family was aging and down to just a few. Her parents were just at retirement age and were outwardly mobile, so it seemed that we spent most of the holidays with my in-laws. This was not a bad thing at all. I like being around family, especially around the holidays, and they enjoyed seeing the boys. There simply weren’t as many options for my side of the family. I didn’t, unfortunately, give it much more thought than that.

As I mentioned before, time flies. And as I think back, I realize, not only did I miss opportunities to return home, I miss home very much. I know if I go, it will likely be the same as always. Small-town Ohio, will always be what it is. Home, itself, will be loud (it’s an Italian thing). I’m sure I’ll hear I’ve gained weight, lost hair, don’t call enough, and work too much. And of course, the most frequent remark I’ll hear is that I should have brought the children with me.

This year the kids are going to Buffalo for Christmas with their mother. There’s a great big reunion planned where the whole family will be together for the first time in years. The boys are much older now, so they make better travelers than in the days of car seats and Barney tapes. I’m sure there will be food lodged between the seats and smells trapped in Mom’s SUV indefinitely, but it will be a smoother journey without the port-a-crib, activity bags, and stops for diaper changes. I’m really excited for them, but this is the first time I’ve ever spent Christmas apart from my boys.

I could sit in my living room and stare at my tree while reminiscing of the days when their mom and I would “pave the way” for Santa’s arrival. The next morning, the living room floor would become a sea of wrapping paper and you could feel the utter excitement in the air. Moreover, for the first time in as long as we could remember, four brothers would play nicely together (for a while). This year will be different, but there’s no reason to sit – after all, life happens, right?

Change requires adjustment. I find myself at this point, 41, no longer married, and without my kids or plans at Christmas. This is fair, because I had them for Thanksgiving and Mom and I agreed to it beforehand, as we do with nearly everything kid-related. But fair doesn’t always make it easy, and I will miss them like you can’t imagine. I have always been sentimental – especially around the holidays but I’ll see them for New Year’s Day. As I transition to this new stage of life, it has been my family and faith that got me through it all. I shake my head as I read people’s posts of family holiday gatherings, as they complain about the in-laws, outlaws and the craziness involved with all the travel and logistics. But not me; I am eager to get to the comfort that nothing else can provide quite like being home for Christmas. So, this year, I’ve decided to pack up my sleigh (likely with one overnight bag) and head north.

I will, like a prodigal son, return to my roots. Nothing feels more familiar walking into the house where I grew up. The walls and end tables are palettes of memories covered with old photos. The air will be filled with amazing smells from the kitchen, and the hearts of family will be wide open – like their arms reaching out for the big welcome-home hugs. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, what has transpired, or what my job title is, to my family, I’ll always be “Timmy”. And I have found when everything changes, sometimes it is best to get grounded in what we know – what’s familiar. True to form, I’ll leave after work and let the satellite radio (that thankfully replaced the mix tapes) keep me company for my ten-hour ride. The coffee is absolutely a must, but now it’s Starbucks as opposed to 7-11. I’ll likely stop half-way for the night, but one exit won’t require a list. It’s time to make adjustments, be glad in what IS, and be thankful for God’s blessings – especially that life keeps happening.

So it’s just that simple – I’m going home.

• • •

It is the time of year when we focus on gratitude as we prepare for the Thanksgiving holiday. For some, this means a big family dinner, parades or football games on TV, or naps on the couch between turkey and pie. It might also mean traveling to be with loved ones or hosting a house full of company. Yet to a certain contingent of crazed bargain hunters, it’s the official kickoff to the Christmas shopping season.

Regardless of how you choose to celebrate the holiday, don’t overlook the opportunity to pause and give thanks. Beyond the blessing before dinner, take a look around and see the amazing resources we have in our lives that are all-too-often overlooked.

It is very easy to get caught up in the list of what we don’t have – it will infinitely be longer than the list of what we do. So we should ask ourselves, “What do I value?” Many of us say family, God, or health, yet the choices we make often point to the accumulation of “stuff” as our prize.  Like most others, this value is easily passed onto our children. This is no more visible than as we turn the corner into the Christmas season.

If you, as I have, struggle at times to see the all good in our lives, take time this holiday season to see how those in true need live. Volunteer at a food bank or shelter, visit the sick in hospitals or nursing homes or consider adopting the needs of a family this Christmas. There are several outreach ministries through churches as well as civic organizations that need your help as they help others. Including your children in this activity is also a great way to demonstrate compassion for others and gratitude for what we have.

The resources in our lives that most commonly get taken for granted are the very people we care about the most. Ask anyone who has been through a significant loss, the stuff does not matter.   You want the people you care about with you and you make sure they know how much you love them. So I say, “Don’t Wait!” This Thanksgiving, take time to thank God for his amazing provision, and let those people who you love so dearly know how much they mean to you. We can give thanks by giving time, attention and love.

Have a very happy and safe Thanksgiving.

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Today’s Newsfeed got me so riled up, it inspired me to create this blog. I believe it will be the first of many posts that all seem to make perfect sense to me. I was tempted to preface this with, “In my opinion” but then I realized this is my blog; therefore, everything I post reflects my opinion. It is not to incite riot or upset anyone, and I’m not going to get into a public argument with anyone over it. If you like it, share it. If you do not, don’t. But there’s a recurring topic that won’t escape me…

While I think secession petitions are a bit over-the-top, they are not based on racism or hatred of a man because of his color or background. This election was also not a mandate of one party over another. What I am seeing from the left is a lot of posturing by means of saying that anyone who disagrees with the policies of this administration is a racist. I saw another post today that said America was so much better than racism and the ignorance we are displaying with these petitions.

My challenge to my friend and others is what is it about America that made it great? I know there is a tendency to rewrite history books in a less offensive way, but sometimes it is best depicted as it really was.

The country was founded on principles of INDEPENDENCE – freedom to live, work and worship as they chose. These founders were tired of living under the oppression of a King who did not have their best interests at heart. They came here under scrutiny and eventually militantly fought and shed blood for those beliefs. They wanted what the Declaration of Independence refers to inalienable rights granted by the Creator: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

Liberty is, by definition, freedom. Freedom is the ability to choose for one’s self. Understanding that there are societal, moral and yes, even biblical standards that outline those choices. But they wanted the freedom to create laws that reflected and protected those standards.

I don’t remember any of those choices being the power of government to inflict a social program on me that it deems in my best interest. It’s not in the name of education or civil obedience and it does not fill a gap that other available choices do not offer.

What makes America great is the never-ending opportunity that allows people to overcome their ancestry, economic status, education level and standard of living. We accomplish this by work. Here’s the thing many people don’t get. The Declaration didn’t guarantee happiness, meaning the government wasn’t there to give you everything you want or feel you deserve. The government was there to maintain a structure that perpetuates your ability to pursue happiness on your own. This doesn’t mean that I get to take from others to satisfy myself. It also doesn’t mean someone who worked for what they have somehow doesn’t need or deserve it, nor do they have a civil obligation to give it to others.

I emphasize civil to clarify the obligation. The obligation we have toward others also emanates from the Creator. The department of Social Services existed long before 1953. It’s called “charity” and it’s often mentioned in Life’s Instruction Book: http://www.openbible.info/topics/charity. The church’s people living as the body of Christ should take care of those in need.

I will never believe America became great by or will become better through wealth redistribution. Socialized medicine should be limited to those in Social Service. Competition is what makes all parties better, including health care, doctors, medical schools and hospitals. If we can give things away for “free”, what is their true value? But I assure you, there is a very significant cost.

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